Our thoughts, feelings and behaviours all have an effect on each other. Did you know that the feelings you have can be caused by the thoughts in your head when you see someone staring at you?

Face IT will help you see that by changing the way that you think about things or people, it’s possible to change the way you feel and the way that you behave.

If you change the way you behave you can change the way that others behave.

For example, if you act confident and happy when you meet someone it makes them more likely to want to talk to you. This will make you relax and feel more confident. If you act nervous or embarrassed when you meet someone they’ll feel awkward and won’t feel confident to talk to you. This will make you feel more nervous and uncomfortable.

We’ll need to cover this in a lot more detail in Session 4, for the moment try to remember the diagram above.

People that cope well with having a visible difference tend to understand why other people stare at their difference or ask them questions and they don’t take it personally.

This might not be easy, but try to imagine what it’s like for other people when they meet you for the first time. This may be the first time that they have ever come across a person with a visible difference. If your difference is a result of an accident or illness, think about how you felt when you became aware of your new appearance.

Remember negative responses of others may not be due to prejudice or dislike, but simply because they feel uncertain or embarrassed.

An important thing to remember throughout Face IT is that you’re not alone! There are lots of people with similar problems to you.

Staying at home, saying no to sporting or social activities, or using drugs and/or alcohol are not good ways of coping.

You don’t always have to be brave and confront things, sometimes avoiding stuff can be helpful, but if it’s your only way of dealing with it you’re going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities and feel miserable. So it might be time to consider some other ways to help yourself.

Remember, the ability to cope well has nothing to do with what your appearance difference is, where it is, nor how severe it is.

People who cope well with an unusual appearance:

• Feel good about themselves (have high self-esteem)
• Feel positive about the future
• Have good social skills (for example, they know how to act confidently and positively when they meet people)
• Encourage friends and family to help them
• Change their coping strategies

In the next part of this session, we’re going to take a look at how you cope with your situation.

We’ll ask you to complete a quiz to help you see how much you’re bothered by your appearance, how anxious you get and how sad or depressed it makes you feel. You will be able to go back to see your answers to these questions at the end of the program.

It will give you a chance to really think about what your problems are and will give you feedback about the difficulties you may be experiencing now.

In the final session of Face IT you’ll have a chance to do them again and see whether things have got better.