2.6 – Social skills examples

Let’s look at some examples of using social skills. In these scenarios you can learn to identify helpful and unhelpful responses to different social situations.

This isn’t a test, don’t worry about which one you choose, try to look at the consequences for all 4 options.

By working through examples on the computer, you’ll find it easier to see how you can improve your skills in real-life.

Example 1 – Neighbourhood Watch

Scenario Option 1 – You listen to what the man has to say, signalling that you agree with him by looking at him while he’s talking to you and slowly nodding your head. Option 2 – You listen to what the man has to say but you feel uncomfortable because you don’t know him. You fiddle with the buttons on your coat and try not to look him in the eye. Option 3 – You listen to what the man has to say, and picking up on a comment he makes you indicate by nodding & leaning forward that you have something you wish to say. Option 4 – You listen to what the man has to say but you feel uncomfortable because you feel that everyone is staring at you. You slouch in an attempt to make yourself smaller and look around the room nervously at the other people present.

You’ve come to a neighbourhood watch meeting organised by your neighbours in an attempt to reduce the rate of burglaries in the local area. Your next-door neighbour introduces you to a man from further down the street who you’ve not met before. The man starts talking to you about the burglaries.

What body language would you be most likely to use in this situation? Choose one of the following 4 options along the left hand side.

You chose option 1

Response: By listening to the man intently, he knows that you’re interested in what he has to say to you.

Reaction: The man likes you, and makes a mental note that you’re good to talk to.

Result: You’ve used your body language to demonstrate that you’re interested in what the man has to say. You’ve made a new friend. You know that you’ll feel more relaxed in a similar situation. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 3. Well done for choosing option 1.

Just remember that the response depends on your own confidence and the situation. If you find that you’ve something interesting to say in response to someone, try to use head nodding as a way of indicating that you wish to speak. Either way, by using your improved body language you’ll be able to handle similar situations much better. The point of the exercise is to find a technique that is right for you and appropriate to the situation. If you consider these issues, you’ll soon feel more confident at dealing with strangers in public.

If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again.

You chose option 2

Response: Even though you’re listening, your body language makes the man feel uncomfortable. He finds it hard work to continue the conversation.

Reaction: Eventually the man gives up. He finds it hard to hold a conversation with you when you aren’t looking at him. He walks away and finds someone else to talk to.

Result: Your body language has demonstrated that you’re uncomfortable in social situations. You’ve been unable to interact positively with this stranger and are likely to find it hard to socialise with strangers in other situations. Your anxiety has made it hard for someone to communicate with you.

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 3. If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, close this pop up and try with other options.

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this solution. The point of this exercise is to make you think about and question the way that you interact with others. By seeing how this situation can go wrong just by using negative body language you can learn to understand how much your own behaviour affects the behaviour of others. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By choosing to use the body language in options 1 or 3, you can reduce the negative impact that your own behaviour can have on others and the negative impact that their behaviour can have on you.

Showing that you’re interested by nodding your head, and maintaining eye contact can increase the chances that someone will want to talk to you again. Additionally, by responding to what the person has to say, you’re showing that you’re interesting and confident.

You chose option 3

Response: By listening to the man intently, he knows that you’re interested in what he has to say to you. He’s pleased that you want to respond to his point.

Reaction: The man likes you, and makes a mental note that you’re good to talk to.

Result: You’ve used your body language to demonstrate that you’re interested in what the man has to say, and that you’re confident enough to express your own views. You’ve made a new friend. You know that you’ll feel more relaxed in a similar situation. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 3. Well done for choosing option 3.

Just remember that the response depends partly on your own confidence and the situation. If you find that you don’t feel confident enough to respond to the person, just making sure that they know you’re listening is a good first step. By nodding your head and maintaining eye contact you can show that you’re interested. Either way, by using your improved body language, you’ll be able to handle similar situations much better. The point of the exercise is to find a technique that is right for you and appropriate to the situation. If you consider these issues, you’ll soon feel more confident at dealing with strangers in public.

If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again.

You chose option 4

Response: Even though you’re listening, your body language makes the man feel uncomfortable. He thinks that you’re bored by what he’s saying to you.

Reaction: Eventually the man gives up. He feels that if you aren’t interested in what he has to say, then there isn’t much point in talking to you. He walks away and finds someone else to talk to.

Result: Your body language has demonstrated that you’ve been unable to interact positively with this strange and are likely to find socialising with strangers even more difficult in the future. Your anxiety has made it hard for someone to talk to you.

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 3. If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again.

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this solution. The point of this exercise is to make you question the way that you interact with others. By seeing how this situation can go wrong just by using negative body language you can learn to understand how much your own behaviour affects the behaviour of others. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By using the body language shown in options 1 or 3, you can reduce the negative impact that your own behaviour can have on others and the negative impact that their behaviour can have on you.

Showing that you’re interested by nodding your head, and maintaining eye contact can increase the chances that someone will want to talk to you again. By responding to what the person has to say, you’re showing that you’re interesting and confident.

Example 2 – The Party

Scenario Option 1 – The woman you’re talking to is clearly concerned, so you smile your best smile and look her in the eyes whilst briefly explaining what happened to you. Option 2 – You’re very upset by the woman’s question. You answer her but feel uncomfortable, you start to slouch and begin looking for a way to leave. You can’t look at her. Option 3 – You’re very upset by the woman’s question. You answer her in an irritated or aggressive manner. Your facial expression changes from relaxed to a frown and you fold your arms across your chest. Option 4 – You explain to the girl that you don’t like talking about it, but it’s okay to ask. The whole time you’re standing up straight, maintaining eye contact and smiling. You ask her if she knows many of the people at the party.

You’ve gone to a party, but you don’t know anyone there except for one of your work friends. Your friend goes to the toilet, so you join in a conversation that a group of strangers are having. During the conversation one of the women asks you about your visible difference.

What body language would you be most likely to use in this situation? Choose one of the following 4 options along the left hand side.

You chose option 1

Response: By smiling at the woman, you’ve reassured her that you’re comfortable with yourself.

Reaction: The strangers in the group are relieved. They were a bit embarrassed by the woman’s question and reassured by your response. They all feel very positive about you. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence next time. You make friends with the people in the group, including the woman, and they invite you to go out with them the next day.

Result: You’ve used your body language to show that you’re confident and relaxed. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most helpful response would have been either 1 or 4. Well done for choosing option 1.

It’s difficult if people ask unwanted questions, but by providing them with some information, you can reassure them that it’s nothing to worry about. If you feel OK to discuss your appearance then try giving them an opportunity to discuss it.

But remember that if you’re not feeling confident and don’t want to talk about your condition, then choose option 4 and use your body language to show that you want to change the conversation. By being polite but assertive, by standing tall, maintaining eye contact and smiling, you can avoid talking about a situation without appearing rude.

The point of the exercise is to find out what’s right for you and the situation. By using your improved body language, you’ll soon feel more confident at dealing with strangers in public.

You chose option 2

Response: By acting so anxiously, you could make the girl feel guilty and the group feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Reaction: You eventually leave the group. It was too difficult to stay and carry on with the conversation.

Result: Your body language shows that you felt uncomfortable. Because it was an uncomfortable experience you may find it more difficult to deal with similar situations in the future and you may want to avoid situations where you might have to talk to strangers, like going to parties or clubs.

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 4.

Don’t worry that you have chosen this option. The point of this exercise is to help you explore the way that you behave with others.

By seeing what happens if you use less positive communication skills you can learn to understand how what you do affects what others do and think. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and try this advice:

Reassure someone who is concerned with a smile and eye contact to make sure that your appearance doesn’t stop them getting to know you as a person. Be assertive and change the subject, that way you can keep being friendly and chatty but you don’t have to talk about something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

You chose option 3

Response: Your body language shows that you’re not impressed! The woman might feel uncomfortable and the group might feel bad about what’s happened. It doesn’t feel good for you either.

Reaction: If the group feel embarrassed and uncomfortable they might not want to stay and talk, and might move away. You decide to leave the group.

Result: Your body language shows that you felt uncomfortable. Because things didn’t go well, you may find it more difficult to deal with similar situations in the future and avoid situations where you have to talk to strangers, like going to parties or clubs.

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 4.

Don’t worry that you have chosen this option. The point of this exercise is to make you question the way that you behave with others.

By seeing what happens if you use less positive communication skills, you can learn to understand how what you do affects what others do and think. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and try this advice:

Reassure someone who is concerned with a smile and eye contact to make sure that your appearance doesn’t stop them getting to know you as a person.

Be assertive and change the subject, that way you can keep being friendly and chatty but you don’t have to talk about something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

You chose option 4

Response: By smiling at the woman, but letting her know that this is a difficult subject, you’ve stopped yourself from feeling uncomfortable and made sure that the woman doesn’t feel too guilty about drawing attention to you.

Reaction: The strangers in the group are impressed. They were embarrassed by the woman’s question and think you dealt with it well. They all feel very positive about you. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence next time. You make friends with the strangers in the group, including the woman, and they invite you out the next day.

Result: You’ve used your body language to show that you are friendly, confident and in control. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 1 or 4. Well done for choosing option 4.

Just remember that the best response for you depends on how confident you feel and the situation. If you’re happy to talk about your condition then do. By providing them with some information, you can let them know it’s nothing to worry about. But if you don’t want to talk about it, then use smiling and eye contact and politely change the subject.

The point of the exercise is to find out what’s right for you and the situation. By using your improved body language, you’ll soon feel more confident dealing with strangers in public.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

Example 3 – The Shopping Trip

Scenario Option 1 – You’re embarrassed she’s noticed your difference! You look away from her and leave as quickly as possible. Option 2 – How dare she stare like that, you can’t help the way your difference looks! You stare back at her with a nasty look on your face that shows how unhappy you are. Option 3 – You realise straight away what the woman is staring at. You decide to reassure her by smiling and making eye contact. When it’s time to leave with your friend, you nod your head at her and confidently walk away. Option 4 – You see the woman looking and decide to introduce yourself, so you say hello.

You’re shopping with a friend. Whilst you’re out you meet another group of people from work, your friend stops to talk, you know a couple of them but there’s a woman with them that you’ve not met before. You notice that she’s staring at your visible difference.

What body language would you be most likely to use in this situation? Choose one of the following 4 options along the left hand side.

You chose option 1

Response: You walk away from the group. The woman feels guilty for having stared and she realises she’s upset you.

Reaction: You feel really upset about it and don’t want to go shopping again.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re uncomfortable with the situation. Because things haven’t gone well, situations like this might be more difficult in the future.

Other responses:

The most helpful response would have been either 3 or 4.

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this option. The point of this exercise is to make you think about how you behave. By seeing what happens if you use less positive communication skills, you can start to understand how what you do affects what other’s think and do. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By smiling and letting the person staring know you’ve noticed them, you’re clearly showing that you’re confident and comfortable with yourself and that they should be too! By saying hello, you can break the ice and increase the chance of making new friends.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

You chose option 2

Response: The woman is taken aback by the look on your face. She was just curious and didn’t mean to be rude.

Reaction: The woman might feel embarrassed next time she sees you, and may avoid you. When you realise she didn’t mean to be unkind, you might feel embarrassed or regret reacting this way.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re uncomfortable. This experience might make similar situations more difficult in the future.

Other responses:

The most helpful response would have been either 3 or 4.

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this option. The point of this exercise is to make you think about how you behave. By seeing what happens if you use less positive communication skills, you can start to understand how what you do affects what other’s think and do.

Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By smiling and letting the staring person know you’ve noticed them, you’re clearly showing that you’re confident, and comfortable with yourself and that they should be too! By saying hello, you can break the ice and increase the chance of making new friends.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

You chose option 3

Response: The woman is slightly embarrassed that you caught her staring but feels relieved that you took it so well.

Reaction: The woman decides to make more of an effort to get to know you in future.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re confident and friendly. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence next time.

Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. Well done for choosing option 3.

Just remember that the best response depends on your own confidence and the situation. If you feel confident enough, and feel sure that they mean you no harm, then a quick smile or ‘hello’ to show that you’ve noticed their staring, can be a great way of making a good impression and will help you seem friendly. This will help you to make friends.

The point of the exercise is to find out what’s right for you and the situation. By using your improved body language, you’ll soon feel more confident dealing with strangers in public.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

You chose option 4

Response: The woman is slightly embarrassed that you caught her staring but is pleased that you’ve said hello.

Reaction: You spend some time chatting with the woman, and she thinks you’re friendly and good to talk to. She looks forward to seeing you again.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re confident and friendly, and has allowed you to make new friends. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence next time.

Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. Well done for choosing option 4.

Just remember that the best response for you depends partly on your own confidence and the situation. If you don’t feel confident enough to speak to someone who is staring, a quick smile to show you’ve noticed them stare shows that you’re confident.

The point of the exercise is to find out what’s right for you and the situation. By using your improved body language, you’ll soon feel more confident dealing with strangers in public.

See how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option.

Example 4 – The Office

Scenario Option 1 – You decide to go over and join the discussion about the film. You walk over to join the group, but you feel uncomfortable. You sit there for a while listening to them and nobody says anything to you. You slouch down in a chair and look at the floor. Option 2 – You want to go over, but you feel annoyed that they’ve not involved you. You stay at your desk with your arms folded and a scowl on your face looking away from them. Option 3 – You decide to go over and join in the conversation. You wait until the speaker has finished and then you introduce yourself. You stand tall, look at the speaker and extend your right hand to shake his or hers. Option 4 – You decide to go over and join in the conversation. You walk over and casually say that you’ve seen the film too and it was really very good. You look one of the group in the eye, smile and ask them what they thought of it.

You’ve come to a neighbourhood watch meeting organised by your neighbours in an attempt to reduce the rate of burglaries in the local area. Your next-door neighbour introduces you to a man from further down the street who you’ve not met before. The man starts talking to you about the burglaries.

What body language would you be most likely to use in this situation? Choose one of the following 4 options along the left hand side.

You chose option 1

Response: The group don’t know what to say to you. You haven’t introduced yourself and you aren’t making an effort to join in. They assume you would prefer to be on your own.

Reaction: The group can tell you’re uncomfortable and are worried about upsetting you, so instead they ignore you. Eventually, you walk away having made no contact at all.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re uncomfortable with the situation and suggests you don’t want to join in. You feel lonely and will find it harder to approach your new colleagues in future. Your anxiety has got the better of you!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this solution. The point of this exercise is to make you consider and question the way that you behave. By seeing how this situation can go wrong, just through the use of negative body language, you can learn to understand how much your own behaviour affects the behaviour of others. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By using the body language shown in options 3 or 4, you can reduce the negative impact that your own behaviour can have on others.

By taking an interest in a conversation someone else is having, you can indicate that you’re relaxed and want to be sociable. By approaching the person and shaking their hand, you can break the ice and increase the chances of making new friends.

You chose option 2

Response: Your colleagues notice your negative expression. They assume you don’t want to join in. They may wonder what they’ve done to upset you.

Reaction: They decide not to bother with you in future. If you don’t appear to be sociable, then there’s no point in trying.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re uncomfortable with the situation. You feel lonely and will find it harder to make friends with your colleagues in future.

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again.

Don’t worry that you’ve chosen this solution. The point of this exercise is to make you consider and question the way that you behave. By seeing how this situation can go wrong, just by using negative body language, you can learn to understand how much your own behaviour affects the behaviour of others. Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

Next time you’re in a similar situation remember this example and consider the following advice:

By using the body language shown in options 3 or 4, you can reduce the impact that your own behaviour has on others.

By taking an interest in a conversation someone else is having, you can indicate that you’re confident and sociable. By approaching the person and shaking their hand, you can break the ice and increase the chances of making new friends.

You chose option 3

Response: The man/woman is pleased that you’ve introduced yourself and welcomes you into the group.

Reaction: The group are impressed by your confidence and form a good first impression of you. They make a point of including you in their chats in the future and invite you out for a drink after work.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re confident and friendly. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence if a similar situation occurred. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!


Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. Well done for choosing option 3.

Just remember that the appropriate response depends on your own confidence and the situation. If you feel confident to express your own views, why not try involving yourself in the existing conversation? Either way, by using your improved body language, you’ll be able to handle similar situations much better. The point of the exercise is to find a technique that is right for you and appropriate to the situation. If you consider these factors, you’ll soon feel more confident at dealing with strangers in public.

If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, scroll up and try again.


You chose option 4

Response: The group decide you’re relaxed and sociable. They respond to your questions and include you in the conversation.

Reaction: The group form a good first impression of you and make a point of including you in their conversations in the future.

Result: Your body language has shown that you’re confident and friendly, and has allowed you to make new friends. You feel that the situation has gone well, and you’ll have more confidence if a similar situation occurred. Well done you’ve controlled your anxiety in this situation!

Other responses:

The most positive response would have been either 3 or 4. Well done for choosing option 4.

Just remember that the appropriate response depends on your own confidence and the situation. If you don’t feel confident enough to express your own views, then simply introducing yourself is also a great icebreaker. By making contact you’re showing how confident you are. Either way, by using your improved body language, you’ll be able to handle similar situations much better. The point of the exercise is to find a technique that is right for you and appropriate to the situation. If you consider these factors, you will soon feel more confident at dealing with strangers in public.

If you would like to see how the example would have played out if you had chosen another option, close this window and try again.

Congratulations on completing the examples.

Don’t worry if you didn’t get it quite right on your first attempt – practice makes perfect! You can come back to them at any time and work through them again if you want.Whenever you are in a similar situation, try to remember what you’ve learnt from the examples. It always takes time to improve your social skills, but with a bit of effort you’ll be amazed at the difference they can make to your life

Congratulations you’ve completed session 2.

Today we’ve looked at

  • Body language and how you can use it to appear more confident and approachable.
  • Talking skills and tips to help you start conversations.
  • You then completed a Communication skills Quiz to see how well you use social skills. You can do the quiz again whenever you want and you’ll get feedback just as you did today. Don’t worry if your score was quite low this time, with some practice you’ll be able to improve it.
  • Helpful and unhelpful responses to different social situations.


Next time we’ll be looking at how to use the Reach Out model to improve your social skills so that you can deal with difficult social situations.

Before you go!

Don’t forget to do this week’s activities.

Please do try to take the time to complete these activities.

It’s only with practice and time that you will be able to improve your social skills. Good social skills will help you deal with the effect your appearance may have when you meet new people.

Good luck with this task and I hope you’ll return to Face IT next time.