We’ve spent some time talking about social skills, both body language and talking to others. Although we’ve talked about them separately, it’s important to remember that they need to be used together!
We’re now going to look at how to do this and you’ll get a chance to see how they can be used in different situations
1. Be Prepared!
It takes a lot of brainpower to think of interesting topics to talk about on the spot, so having some you thought of earlier can make all the difference, especially if you’re not feeling confident.
Have some questions that you can use in different situations
- Think about your own interests and have pre-planned statements you can make about yourself.

- Keep up with current events or TV programs, as these are always a useful way of breaking the ice.

- Think about social situations before they happen. If you know what the situation is likely to involve then you can think what questions or statements you could use.
Look at the list below and consider these questions before each new situation:
- “Who is likely to be there?
- What are their interests likely to be?
- What’s everyone talking about at the moment?
- What do I have in common with the people I’m likely to be meeting?
- What interests or hobbies do I have that other people might be interested in?
- What do I already know about the people who are going to be there?
- “How can I use what I know about these people to focus the attention onto them?

2. Starting Conversations
When trying to start a conversation it’s important to remember to use good body language and good talking skills.
Body Language

Good posture
Stand tall, with your shoulders back and head held high, you will appear confident. This will encourage people to want to talk to you.

Eye Contact
Look people in the eye when starting conversations. They really won’t be able to understand you if you are staring at the floor.
Your posture will help with eye contact, as you’ll already be looking up!

Smile
Smile to show that you’re friendly and confident.
Talking skills
Open the conversation with a question: “How do you like the new boss?”
A statement about yourself: “I really like the new England strip”
A comment about a current event: “Did you see that programme last night on TV? It was really good”
Speak slowly, clearly and use a friendly tone
Use active listening techniques like:
- Head nodding
- Agreeing
- Comments
- Repeating back to show that you’re listening

3. Joining Conversations
Before joining a conversation, take a moment to listen. Work out what the group are talking about.
Do you have a view or an interesting comment to make?
- Be prepared. Have a comment, question or statement before you approach. This will help you feel more confident.
- Don’t interrupt a group when they’re talking. Wait for a break or pause in the conversation. If a natural break doesn’t happen, try making eye contact with the speaker and nodding. This’ll show that you’re listening, agreeing, and want to say something.
- Use a pre-prepared comment or question about the group’s topic to open your end of the conversation.
- Introduce yourself, if it’s a group you don’t know.
- Join in the conversation, if you already know them, or if they are still talking about another issue. If you join in with a conversation they’re already having, they’re more likely to accept you than if you try to start a completely new conversation.
- Use active listening techniques like head nodding, agreeing, comments and repeating back to show that you’re listening.

4. Maintaining Conversations
When people talk to each other they use comments and questions to keep conversations going. The best way to keep a conversation going is to:
Use open-ended questions
e.g.: What, How, Why…
Ask the person about what they have said
‘So why don’t you like doing football on Saturday’ or ‘What is it about that shop that you like’? This makes it easier for them to continue, but don’t fire too many questions at someone. You won’t make people feel very comfortable if you treat each conversation like an interview!
Talking about yourself
This can be a good way of making questions appear less formal “I really like that, do you?”. It also allows you to do a bit of talking too.
Think about your body language
Use good posture, smiling and eye contact to demonstrate how friendly and interested you are. If you want to say something, remember the head nodding skill.

5. Changing the Subject
You don’t have to change the subject, if it is going well!
But sometimes you may have to because:
- It’s about something you don’t find interesting, or makes you feel uncomfortable
- The other person is bored or doesn’t like what you’re talking about.
Changing the subject is like starting a conversation
Think about questions to ask. What do you have in common?
Stick to something that interests you both, or talk about daily events (work, activities, what to do at weekends or in the holidays).
If you aren’t enjoying the conversation:
Wait for a natural pause; try making a closing comment like “Well yeah that’s true” then change the subject with “anyway, I was wondering…” or something similar.
Stay calm and keep an even tone of voice, don’t let the other person know you’re not enjoying the topic; this is only likely to upset them.

If you feel really unhappy with a topic:
Be assertive
Calmly and firmly explain that you don’t feel comfortable and would like to talk about something else.
“I don’t like talking about that, I find it really uncomfortable, but I’d like to talk about…”
Use a pre-prepared question to help you quickly change the subject
” What did you think about….?”
“How are you going to…? “
“When did you see…? “
Appear calm and relaxed and don’t behave anxiously or angry.
How do you know if they’re not enjoying the conversation?
Watch the other person’s body language. If they like it, they’ll be using the same kinds of active listening skills like nodding or agreeing. If they look annoyed or bored it’s time to change the subject.
Don’t take it personally, get angry or become anxious if they’re not enjoying the conversation. If they like you, switching topics will be enough to get the conversation back on track.