5.2 – What is goal setting?

In this session we’ll use the SMART approach to goal setting to help you overcome any problems, big or small that you are struggling with.

What is goal setting?

No matter who you are and what you do, life is always about setting and achieving goals.

These goals can be anything from overcoming your anxiety and going to the cinema with friends or family, through to climbing Mount Everest!

Goal setting is important for our self-esteem. Goals give us new experiences, and a sense of pride when we achieve them.

Alice has scars on her face after a car accident:

Goal setting is also very useful in many situations. I have used this a lot to help me deal with a facial difference. It’s helpful to break down big tasks into small steps that I can manage. I write lists with things I want to achieve, and it’s a good feeling when I tick something off once I’ve done it.

Most people find it difficult to set themselves goals. It can be even harder if you have a visible difference or you’re self-conscious. If you feel low, just thinking about setting goals can seem hard work! Here are some other reasons why it can be difficult to set goals:

  • You might have a low self esteem and not believe that you can achieve the things that you want to.
  • People might say things which make you feel that you can’t achieve what you want. For example, some people think that you can’t work in the public eye, like be an actor, singer or presenter if you have a visible difference. This isn’t true but it can rub off on you and then it’s tempting to just give up on your dreams.

Although there aren’t many people with visible differences on TV, Cerrie Burnell and Katie Piper are helping to change this.

Seal

‘I got really depressed about [the scars] at first, as you can understand. Now I really like them. If I could design something, I don’t think I could do it better.’

Carlos Tevez

‘It (his scars) was a defining experience-it marked me for life. I won’t have plastic surgery. You either take me as I am or you don’t. The same goes for the teeth. I won’t change the way I am.’

Jono Lancaster

‘I once thought the world was full of horrible/shallow people, but now I know the world is full of amazing unique people – who love life. I’m so proud of who I am. And Treacher Collins made me who I am today. And ya know what??? I think I am pretty dam cool too.’

Amanda Redman

‘I’ve never felt self-conscious about my scars or covered them up. I was brought up to think that there was nothing wrong with it, even to the point of going up to people and saying ‘look what I’ve got’. If other people don’t like them, that’s their problem not mine. What helped my confidence when I left hospital was that my parents sent me to a Saturday-morning drama class. I loved it. It made me focus on developing my acting skills and having fun rather than worrying about what my scar looked like to others. I would never change my scars; they have made me the person that I am and they are a part of me.’

Cerrie Burnell.

‘It was only when I started accepting my body that I felt beautiful. And I realised that life is not about what you look like, it’s about who you are.’

Laurence Clark.

‘I wouldn’t change anything about the way I am. The experiences and barriers that I have faced have made me the person that I am today. I’m happy with the way I am. It’s just other people who have a problem.’

Click here if you have a Physical disability

Life can be tough if you have a physical disability too. Some people think you can’t achieve as much as others if you have a disability. Some people would never consider that a person with cerebral palsy could be an actor, or that a person in a wheelchair could become a top tennis player.

The reason people think this is because they can’t really imagine what it would be like to be in that situation. They’re just not used to it and can’t see what could be achieved. These attitudes can rub off on you if you let them. It can be particularly difficult if you have a disability that you weren’t born with because you may assume that you’ll never be able to do the kinds of things you did before.

Many people with physical disabilities have shown how much can be achieved.

How to set goals

Everyone finds it difficult to set goals. Billy and Chloe have burn injuries and can’t do what they used to be able to do.

Chloe’s experience

It’s even little things like bouncing on a trampoline. Such a simple thing, but I could never do that now, and it makes me feel like giving up on life completely. What I need is some help learning what I can and can’t achieve.

Billy’s experience

I spend a lot of time trying to carry out tasks that I used to be able to complete without even thinking about it. Then I fail because I’m not as capable as I used to be. This is very difficult to live with, and often makes me feel that there really isn’t any point in trying, I give up completely because I feel I’m useless.

It’s important to plan how you’re going to achieve the goal. Lots of people just concentrate on the end goal and don’t spend enough time thinking about how to get there! We’ve got some tips to help you.

S M A R T

Specific

Be clear about exactly what you want to achieve.

For example, you could say that your goal is to go camping with friends next year. That’s fine, but you need to be more specific to work out what needs to be done to achieve it. Ask yourself:

  • Where do you want to go camping?
  • Do you need permission from anyone?
  • Who is going to go with you?
  • How will you get to the camp site? bus? train? drive?
  • How will you pay for the camp site?
  • What about food?

You need to know that kind of details if you want to achieve your goal.

Measurable

A goal must be measurable. This means you must be able to tell when you’ve completed it.

For example a measured goal might be to go for a 1 mile run. An unmeasured goal would just be to go running.

There’s nothing wrong with the second option, but how do you know when you’ve achieved your goal? Does just stepping out of the front door and running down the garden path count?

To get the most satisfaction out of achieving a goal, you need to be able to measure it.

Achievable

The goals must be achievable. No matter how hard you try, there’ll always be some goals that aren’t achievable.

For example you can’t learn to be a concert pianist by the end of the week, but you might be able to learn the chopsticks!

If your goal is unachievable, then it’s likely that you’ll fail which will knock your confidence.

Reasonable

Not only does the goal have to be something you’re capable of doing, it has to be reasonable. Your goal could be anything from going to the supermarket to climbing Everest.

Both of these are possible, but climbing Everest isn’t an option for next month if you haven’t exercised for years and haven’t got the mountaineering practice. So, think carefully about your goal.

It’s OK to aim for something you’ve never done before and aren’t sure you can achieve, but if you know something is unreasonable then it’s probably a good idea to change your plans or make sure that you have lots of smaller goals to help you achieve the big one.

Time-frame

This is often the most important part of goal setting. People can spend years saying that they’re going to do something, but never get round to it. A friend is always talking about wanting to play the guitar, but she hasn’t even got a guitar yet.

Goals can just become vague dreams, something you always talk about but never do!

So, be determined, set yourself a time limit for completing them. For example: ‘I will talk to a music teacher about learning an instrument by the end of next week!’