Social skills training is one of the most commonly used ways to help people with visible differences to deal with their situation.
Using positive social skills will:
- Make it easier to socialise
- Give you more positive experiences
- Help you to build your confidence.
There are 2 parts to social skills training
1) Body language
Body language is a major part of the way we show our feelings and opinions. When we’re talking to someone, without realising it, we’re looking at their body language to help us understand what the other person is trying to say.
There are many different body language skills that you can use:
Posture
Eye Contact
Facial Expressions
Gestures
2) Talking Skills
There are several different parts involved in the way we talk to others
Tone of voice | Try and vary the tone of your voice and sound calm. Speak slowly and clearly.
Active listening skills | Try paying attention to what people say. Show them you’re listening by agreeing, commenting or repeating.
Starting a conversation
Ask | Who? Where? When? What? How?
- Choose open questions which allow people to give you more than a yes or no response.
- Use daily events. If you read magazines or watch TV, then you’ll find lots of different things that you can use to start a conversation.
- Choose light hearted topics, or topics that cause discussion and debate rather than an argument!
- Use confident body language
Changing the Subject
If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or the person looks bored or uninterested.
Look for clues in the other person’s body language:
Do they like what you’re talking about, or do they look annoyed or bored?
Changing the subject is like starting a conversation.
Think about questions to ask the person. What do you have in common?
If you feel uncomfortable with a topic, be assertive.
Calmly and firmly explain that you don’t feel comfortable and would like to talk about something else.
Remember to look calm and relaxed and don’t behave anxiously or angrily.
If the conversation is going well, don’t feel you have to change the subject just for the sake of it.
Dealing with comments about your appearance
People who you aren’t in a conversation with may make comments about your appearance.
Try the following approaches depending on how you feel and the situation:
- Ignore them
- Stare at them firmly
- Try asking them not to stare
- Try to make a joke
Kelly is a succesful model with a missing lower arm. Here’s what she has to say:
Celebrate your own uniqueness, be happy within, do not listen to people who are mean – they are dealing with their own hardships. Take a deep breath, pull your shoulders back and walk with confidence, always try to think positive thoughts, believe in you, everything is possible so follow your dreams.. and most important LOVE yourself!
Be prepared
This is one of the best ways of coping with social situations, especially if you’re lacking confidence make sure you have prepared:
- Questions that you can use in different situations
- Interesting statements about yourself (e.g.your own interests / hobbies)
- Responses for topics that may come up: like comments about your appearance, unwanted questions and staring.
- Useful ice-breakers! Keep up with latest events and what everyone’s talking about.
- Think about social situations before they happen and consider these questions before each new situation:
Who is likely to be there?
- What are their interests likely to be?
- What’s everyone talking about at the moment?
- What do you have in common with the people you’re likely to be meeting?
- What do you already know about the people who are going to be there?
- How can you use what you know to focus the attention of a conversation onto the other people?
